Imagine receiving a witness of something beyond yourself, something that is beyond your ability to fully comprehend. It's something that's not completely yours. Yet it's something that just seems to be true, like a law of nature...gravity, for instance. It's also something very specific and sacred. Not just in the temple or in the Church, but in society...at least according to what you have learned. In this day and age, however, in order to be on board with the new American dream, the new civil rights movement, "equality" or to be known as a decent human being...you have to deny that truth...
More people could probably relate to that than just those in my little corner of humans. But anyway, this post is meant to just be an illustration of how things are, what it's like, a peak into what I think about and how I feel. It doesn't need fixing or clarification to show how wrong I am. Half the battle is just finding the reasons why I feel what I feel and being at peace with them. Of course I don't speak for all gay people, but neither do they speak for me. There are a few, but they're far between.
It's not a secret that Pride month is a conflicting month for me. Some people probably would just think I'm anti and tell me to get on with it. Some would say "If it's not for you, don't go." It's not that it's not for me. It's awkward. Doesn't anyone ever wonder exactly why it would be awkward or maybe not the best for all people who are gay?
From what I gather, it seems like the Pride festival would cater to everyone, but hopefully I've offered an illustration as to why it's more complex and not black and white for some of us. As I mentioned before, it's not something I want to fix, it just is what it is. It could just be a Utah Pride thing for me. I just know that I need friends who see me and understand me as I am right now...even gay friends who understand where I'm coming from and/or possess the same feelings I do.